Doable or Dateable...Which One Are You?

I was having a conversation with some friends this weekend and the subject of dating sauntered into the conversation.  There was mixed company involved meaning men, women, single and married people so there were differing opinions on the subject, but the one big question that arose from the conversation was, "Who is doable and who is dateable?".  This question made me look at relationships that I've had and those relationships around me.

To be doable, the definition is pretty self explanatory but I'll give you our interpretation.  Doable means that someone would want to have a roll in the hay with you but in no way, shape or form would they take you out in public.  It involves (a) the 1 a.m. booty call, (b) the flirting at work then taking it to the next level and agreeing that no one can know, (c) the person that you always hook up with when you've had too much to drink, because the beer goggles have severely hindered your vision, your inhibitions are WAY down and, quite frankly, you're just a little horny.  We've all been there and if you say you haven't, you're a liar.  You may not have slid past home but you did round a few bases.  Doable has its advantages if you're into the no strings attached, purely physical relationship and many men were born with the gene that allows them to have guilt-free sex so "doable" is a win/win for them.  Most women were not born with this particular gene so when they do knock it out with someone they have a tendency to become attached because, honestly, all women want to believe that they're 100% dateable and they think that those 1 a.m. booty calls will turn into a dating relationship and they may even say they're "dating" their late night visitor but let me assure you that he's not telling people he's seeing you.  If he sneaks in like a thief in the night, burglarizes your lady parts and leaves before daybreak, you're not dating.  Now, please don't think that I'm saying only guys are capable of this purely physical relationship, I've met many women who were born with the gene that makes them able to satisfy physical needs without looking back but when to many guys hear that you possess that gene, you quickly become undateable which brings me to the other title of "dateable".

What exactly makes a person "dateable"?  I would say that it's a combination of things...personality, looks, income, living situation, hygiene, teeth (that's a personal one for me), honesty and so on and so forth.  The aforementioned qualities were in no particular order.  And the dateable person would also have to be "doable".  Who's gonna date somebody without one of the results of dating them be doing them?  So if you're dateable you have to have alot of attributes that slide you over from just the doable column to the prized dateable column.  And the sad thing is, everybody has different qualities that they're looking for in the person that they actually take out in public.  For some it's looks, for some it's social graces, some people may want a head strong, independent spouse where someone else may want a submissive, dependent, delicate little flower.  So what makes YOU  dateable?  Or, if you're married, what made you dateable?  What sold you to the person that you're with right now?  And did you sell yourself well enough that they'll never want to trade you in for a newer model (that's for men and women, by the way) or that one of you will have buyer's remorse in the near future because I see people all the time that are married and wonder how in the hell they achieved that feat?

I'm single, have never been married and am currently not dating anybody.  I'm never the one that gets hit on at the bar and no one ever has a crush on me even though I'm way past the age limit for crushes.  I am, however, the one that makes friends with guys very easily once they realize that I'm not a bitch, I love to drink beer and I'm smart and funny.  My friends and I sit around and blame Picayune for this fate but it seems that others are having an easy time of finding someone.  Sure, they may only last for about 2 years but at least they made the short sell to experience that side of the relationship status.  I've been told to not be so outspoken and "jokey" when I first meet someone.  My viewpoint on that is, screw it!!!  If I can't be myself then that person doesn't deserve me because underneath all this feisty sarcasm is quite a spectacular person.  If you haven't got to know that side of me, you should.  And, for the love of Mary, Jesus and Joseph, don't listen to people that I've pissed off in some way.  Their opinion of me is slightly skewed and we'll throw them out of the study due to invalidity.

So, this week's question is, are YOU doable or dateable and what makes you either/or?  And if no one's dating you, what do you think the problem is?  And if you are dating someone and not doing them, what's the problem there? (That question only applies to mature adults of legal age).  And if you're doing someone and they're not dating you, what's the issue there?  And if the latter question is the case, please stop telling people you're seeing your booty call because people are eventually going to have you committed for hallucinations about an imaginary partner that no one ever sees because they only come to see you under the veil of darkness.  Unless you're happy with that then it's whatever floats your boat.  So good luck to those that are single, married, gay , straight, celibate or slutty.  May the force be with you.

Things I've Learned from Sophie the Dog...Vol. 1

I've got this dog.  Her name is Sophie.  She's fluffy, blond and just about the cutest thing you've ever put an eyeball on in your life.  The way I acquired Sophie was, ironically enough, at a flea market.  My friend Charlotte and I were on our way home from a weekend jaunt to Gulf Shores a couple of years ago and she suggested we stop by to see what was what at the Mobile flea market.  As we're pulling in to the market, she says, "You know they sell dogs here.  Maybe you'll get a dog.", to which I responded, "Hell no, I'm not getting a damn dog.".  Fifteen minutes later I met Sophie and obviously the rest is history.

Growing up I never had an "inside" dog.  We had mutts that never ventured past the door frame.  Even when Bob Breck said to bring in plants and animals, we'd bring in the plants but the animals had to fend for themselves.  We may have put some straw in a box in the garage but that was the limit that we went to the cater to the dogs.  Now I have this indoor fluff monster that looks like Chewbaca on somedays, I can't imagine what I did before I had her.  Some of you know that I would love nothing more than to have a child so I'm guessing, using the super powers of my useless psychology degree, that I'm projecting the love that I would give a child onto Sophie.  But Sophie, in return, showers me with unconditional love and that's what I want to talk about in "Things I've Learned from Sophie the Dog...Volume 1".

I've always had friends that have had some sort of canine living in their homes and they would tell me there's nothing like coming home and having that dog be so excited to see you that they literally pee on the floor.  She cannot wait for me to put down my purse and pick her up to give her a hug.  I know that she needs to go potty, too, but I'd like to think that she's jumping around like a maniac because she's so super pumped about seeing me, her master.  I just love that title.  I can yell at her, pop her with a recently chewed-on shoe or practically drown her when I rinse the soap out of her hair in the bath and she still loves me.  Sophie loves everybody, though.  Ask anyone that comes to my house.  She will attack you with love.  She shows no partiality to whose lap she jumps in or whose face she licks.  She is a 20 pound fluffball of love and it got me to thinking...what if society could love like a dog?

Think of the people in your life.  We've all got friends that we love and that love us back but don't you sometimes feel that there are those certain friends that are only friends with you because of what they can get out of you?  Or that someone is dating you because of the benefits that come from that relationship whether it be money or sex?  I've found that as I've gotten older, my BS meter is pretty right on so if someone is hanging out with me for what they can get, which by the way is very little, I can weed them out.  I only want people around me that love me for me.  Flaws and all and there are MANY, MANY flaws.  I want friends that are like Sophie, excited to see me and they get over things quickly when there's an argument and they're loyal but loyalty will be a whole other volume.

In closing I'll say this...look at the people in your life and ask yourself if they're worth your time.  My dog and the close friends that I do have are worth more to me than they'll ever know and I want all my special friends to know, that, yes, I do feel like jumping up and down and peeing in my pants when I see you and you know who you are and I hope you have a little leakage when you see me, too.

Will Prohibition End?

Tomorrow, November 9, 2010, in the year or our Lord, Picayune city residents will be able to cast a vote to partially end prohibition in the city limits of our fair city.  The vote will be to grant "resort" status in the city limits of Picayune.  This will allow "by the glass" alcohol to be served in eating establishments and hotels that have social events will be able to serve alcohol without threat of being busted by the fuzz.  This has been a long time coming and everyone who knows me knows where I stand on this issue but there are a few things that I would like to discuss that will go against what many who support this change use as an arguement.

The first thing I don't like to hear is that we'll finally have "good" restaurants in town.  First of all, I know the owners of a couple of my favorite restaurants in town and they are "good" restaurants.  If they weren't, I wouldn't eat there.  If this passes, believe me, we will not see a flood of big chain restaurants coming to Picayune in the beginning.  And if one more person uses Applebee's as the type of restaurant that we want here, I will punch them in the face.  Can we at least aim a little higher than that?  Geesh.  Standards, people, standards.  In all reality, chances are it will take quite a while for a big chain to come here simply because we don't have the population to support it but what it will do is allow existing restaurants to serve alcohol.  And maybe if we're lucky, some wonderful person that really knows about cow and how to cook a decent steak will open a quaint little steakhouse and I can have a glass of Merlot with my cut of beef.

What the "resort" status will do is bring in more sales tax to increase our dwindling tax base.  As that tax base keeps decreasing, your personal property taxes WILL go up.  Your elected officials know this and yet none of them will grow a pair (women included) and support this issue.  The Chamber of Commerce is another group that needs to get off it's tail and pick a side too but you won't see that happen, either. If you look at Flowood, MS, in the year since they have passed the "resort" bill for that area, they have seen a 3% to 5% increase in sales tax revenue.  There has NOT, I repeat NOT been an increase in DUI's and public drunkeness and they haven't had to hire more officers (which I've heard repeatedly from opponents of this issue say)with the exception of one officer to enforce the codes.  I didn't look this info up myself, I'll give credit where credit is due, Jeremy Pittari at the Picayune Item wrote this in his Sunday article about the vote.  When Flowood put this up to a vote, the Chamber of Commerce, City Council and business owners were behind it.  Why, you may ask?  Because they knew it's what was best for their city.  Business owners here are scared to do it for fear that the "churchee's" will boycot their business and elected officials are scared to support it because they may lose some votes next election.  And with that, I will address the sect of the population that uses religion as a reason for wanting to keep prohibition alive and kicking in the 21st century.

I have always found it odd that one of the quotes from the Bible that is most used is "Judge not, lest ye be judged", and yet the people that seem to judge the most are the ones that are contantly spouting out scripture and sitting on the front row of church on Sunday morning.  I'm not singling out any one denomination because they're ALL guilty.  Here's what I don't understand...if I'm with a person that doesn't drink because of whatever system of beliefs they're going with that week, I would never think to say, "I'm having a drink so you have to, as well."  And yet, those who don't drink expect those who enjoy the occassional libation to abide by their beliefs.  It's so hypocritical and to be quite honest, you're being an a**hole.  How many times have you been to a respectable eating establishment and witnessed a person falling over in their plate because they've drank too much at the bar (and I'm not talking to the people that witnessed quite a little show at Augie's Glass Garden for prom 1991 and I'm also not referring to myself in that 1991 reference)? 

What I'm trying to say is this...if I have enough respect for you not to force you to have a drink when you're with me and participate in my way of life, then please stop trying to make me participate in your way of life.  Let's do something that will only have positive effects on the economic downturn this city has taken.  Don't you want to see schools get a little more money?  Don't you want to see roads get repaired?  Don't you want to create jobs?  Don't you want your tithes increase due to people having said jobs?  It's a common sense thing, people, so in the words of Spike Lee, "Do the right thing.".

Have we really turned into sheeple?

Tuesday, November 2, 2010 is election day for Congress.  No matter what your political leanings and ideologies are, I'm sure we're all in agreement that things are not going well for the good ole US of A.  I don't blame this all on one person like some seem to do nor do I blame it on one party like others.  Our political system has been swirling down the toilet for years now but we've come to a point where it's severly clogged and we need Roto Rooter to come and flush out the pipes.  We're Roto Rooter.  We have the snake that will churn through the pipes and get rid of all the crap that has been piling up there for too long to mention.

I'm a registered Republican but I'm seriously thinking about changing to Independent simply because both the Republicans and Democrats have come to a point where neither represent the core beliefs of their party.  You might as well call them the "Republicrats" because party affiliation means nothing anymore.  And I can't take credit for "Republicrats", that's a Walton and Johnson original.

What I'm trying to say in this short blog is this...we, as Americans, have tendency to vote solely on the fact of what party one is affiliated with, what race they are or how your friends tell you to vote.  I'm asking you to look at the issues and vote for the candidate that you believe would work for you because, really, that's the job of a politician.  They are our employees.  Sure, they make more money than we do, can serve one term and have a lifetime pension plan and most have been or are involved in some sort of criminal activity but they're still supposed to do the bidding of the people and represent their constituents.  They should be kissing our asses, not the other way around like I witnessed when Steve Palazzo came to town.  Good Lord, that was a smooch fest.  I still voted for him, though, because I'm hoping for a shake up.  As I'm sure you can see, I don't have a whole lot of respect for politicians but since I live in America, it's a necessary evil.

When you go vote today, ask yourself, are you better off now than you were two years ago?  I know what my answer is...HELL NO!!!!!!!  Let's restore some sort of balance in our government by throwing some people out of Congress like dice out of a Yahtzee cup.  Get out and vote, people, or you don't get to complain!!