Where I Need To Be

As I sit here at work, blogging but shhhhh, I can't help but think, "Is this how things are supposed to be?".  I had always thought in my younger days that my life would be in a completely different place at this point.  I'd be married, who's to say first or second marriage, I'd definitely have kids and I'd be working at a job that fulfilled all the areas of my life that weren't complete by all the other wonderful things in my life.  I have none of the things in that last sentence but should I look at that as a failure?

Let's begin with the latter.  Today marks a year that I have been in my current job.  It was a big change for me coming from a family business in a small town.  Now, I'm working in an environment that, to say the least, can have it's "WTF" moments. As my friend and I ride the elevator up every morning, we look at each other and we know what the other is thinking, "We have got to develop an exit strategy.".  This isn't saying that the people that I work for and with are bad people.  Quite the contrary, actually.  Everyone is very nice.  Sure, in any big company you'll have your whiners and complainers, your under the bus throwers and your non-ownership people and this place is no different.  But I also have some people that are true team players and have your back and are genuinely concerned with the well being of those around them.  I have to look at this first job after my family's business closing as the weeds in my way before the beautiful garden oasis that will be my career.  That's how I get up everyday and make it to work.  That and knowing I can have some drinks afterward if the day goes down the toilet.

Marriage was one of those things that I just assumed I would do as life progressed.  It would occur naturally like the need for botox or my hatred for bad teeth.  All of my friends got married at one point and had kids, not necessarily in that order but it did happen.  Hell, some are on their second and third marriages.  Don't get me wrong, I know a lot of behind the scenes info on some marriages and I wouldn't want to be a part of that relationship but that's not to say that I don't want to get married.  The thing that concerns me at this point in the game, and it is a game, is that I've become so set in my ways that someone else is just going to throw a monkey wrench into my whole lifestyle.  I find that I get annoyed easily especially with stupidity.  I told a friend this weekend that I need someone who is smarter than me because I want to bring myself up not have to explain the "big words".  I do have one friend who, like me, has neither married nor has kids and he tells me that if our friends could do it all over again, they'd want our lives.  I can safely say that I don't believe that, at least not 100%.  They may trade their spouses but the one thing I do know is that 97% of my friends wouldn't trade their kids for anything and that, so far, is my biggest regret in life.

Even as a young child, I always saw myself as a mother.  Whatever stage in my life that I was passing through, I was maternal in some shape or form.  Whether it be babysitting as a preteen, taking care of a friend who had too much to drink as a young adult (this still goes on to this day), or having social functions to give everyone a chance to visit, I have always felt the need to do the things that a mother would do.  The one thing I haven't done is give birth or adopt.

I am aware of my age.  I say constantly that I feel 27 but my eggs would probably tell you a different story.  I also know that women are waiting until later in life to have children but in 2013 I'm going to be 40 and the clock is ticking while the eggs are dropping.  Just this week, two of my dear friends became grandmothers.  Besides the precious babies that came out of that deal I also got to give myself a cool name...wait for it....GRANDFRIEND!!!  I'm going to trademark that so no one steal it.  The fact of the matter is, I want my next title to be Mama.  I have a plan so stay tuned.

In the end, as I look back on the memories of where I thought I'd be at this stage in my life, I'm not where I thought I would be.  I could get depressed and feel sorry for myself and, believe me, I do...often.  But then I think, I may not be where I want to be but this is all about the roadtrip that I'm on.  I'm not going to say "journey" because I want to punch people in the face that say, "It's all about the journey".  I can't take a self-inflicted punch today but I digress.  As I was saying, I may not be where I want to be but maybe I'm where I need to be.  Things usually have a way of working out especially when we put our determination behind it.  I often see where people say, "I'm turning it over to God."  Don't you think God has enough to do?  I think that's the lazy way out.  God should be like the parent that gives you some help when you need it but wants you to learn to do things on your own and utilize the good things that He's taught you along the way.  He gave us free will for a reason.  So today, on the year anniversary of my job and the realization that time stops for no woman and I need to get my ducks in a row.  I'm not saying that I'm going to make some big changes so don't look for The Porch to close any time soon but I am saying that I'm going to start making things happen for myself.  Hopefully I will make God and myself happy.

It’s a question that people have argued about for years.  Does size really matter?  Is bigger more fierce and is smaller not
able to put fear into one’s heart?  Before you start thinking that I’m taking a turn for the dirty side, get your mind out of the gutter.  I’m referring to picking your battles.  Here’s how I came to this big/small analogy.

The other night I was walking my dogs, Hami and Sophie.  They’re awesome, by the way, but I digress.  As we were walking through the park, a mosquito landed on my shoulder.  Unfortunately for him, it was his last landing because I smacked him.  That got me to thinking, we often look at large things as  large problems.  We let size trick us when often times it’s the little things that can be the biggest problem.  Take that mosquito, for instance.  Mosquitoes carry malaria, West Nile and a host of other diseases that could put me in the grave and yet it’s super tiny.  Some are so tiny they look like gnats and sometimes even those can leave a nasty bite.

Then there’s the big things can sometimes be misconstrued as a BIG problem.  Things like moving to a different city for a higher paying job or turning 40.  For the former, maybe it’s in the whole big scheme of life that the cards have fallen to give you the opportunity to move.  For the latter, look at the alternative to turning 40.  For those that aren’t quick on the uptake, it’s death.  I think that’s why I always look forward to my birthday.  The other alternative is not something I want to think about.

You’ve heard the term “making a mountain out of a mole hill”?  I have and I use it all the time.   On social network sites such as Facebook and Twitter I always see people writing about how they hate drama and wish all the people with drama would get out of their lives.  What these people are saying to me is that they really love drama and want to stir it up not only privately but on a very public forum.  Is it really worth doing?  Is it really worth putting your business out there?  I’m going to be honest with you, most people don’t care.  I once had a friend say, “I wish all these people that updated statuses every 5 minutes with personal information that none of us care about would get a Twitter account.  See how many people follow you.  That’s how many people are interested in your every move and thought.”  Sometimes it’s best to keep things to yourself.  I often need to follow this advice.  Especially after a couple of cocktails but, again, I digress.  If you keep things to yourself then that thing that you think is so big won’t be blown up and may just shrink to nothing and go away.  And in all honesty, if that many people are causing drama in your life, cut them loose.  All the little things they do to annoy you will leave a BIG spot for happiness in your life once they’re gone.

Then there’s the things we sweep under the rug.  A lump in some part of our body that we attribute to stress, a child that is “active” when they’re young so we let them “express” themselves in any way they see fit or paying bills with credit cards because you’re a little short this month but are you really going to have extra money next month?  The thing about sweeping little things under the rug is that eventually a big dirt mound begins to form.  Then you have to move the furniture, lift the rug and there’s usually more things under there than you care to see.  Take care of yourself.  If you feel funny, not haha funny but ugh funny, go to the doctor until the ugh feeling goes away.  If you’re child is acting a fool, jerk a knot in their tail.  Spare the rod, spoil the child.  You are not their friend, you are their parent.  And speaking for the sect of the population that has to see your ill-behaved child in public, thanks for stepping up to the plate and handling the situation like a responsible adult.  As for the money, I’m no one to lecture about that because I’m no financial wiz.  I can say this, I have been in credit card trouble and I’m going to tell you that it’s nearly impossible to get out of it.  Once you do, avoid getting the little things that you didn’t need that got you into this big mess.  You lived without them before, you can manage to keep going without them.

These were just a few things that have been rolling around in my brain lately.  I’ve been known to have a flair for the dramatics and make a mountain out of a mole hill.  I speculate, make up stories about scenarios that will never happen unless it’s in a movie, expect the worse and I’m here to tell you that it’s dire existence.  So, take a different approach to looking at things.  Remember, it could be the little things that you keep looking over that could give you malaria and that big thing that you never thought you could live through is the thing that winds up being your saving grace.

Be A Duck...

Be a Duck…

While venting one day to my friend, Charlotte, she told me to, “be a duck”.  I wasn’t quick on the uptake so I asked her what that meant.  She said, “You just have to let things roll off like water on a duck’s back.”  Sometimes that’s easier said than done and if you are a “duck” does that mean you let people walk all over you?  Or, are you taking the high road and not causing conflict?

         

For those that don’t know me I have a tendency to say whatever is on my mind, especially if there’s alcohol in my body.  It may come as a surprise to those that do know me that I often bite my tongue to keep if from wagging.  In fact, I just deleted an entire paragraph from this blog because even though I used a fake name to protect the guilty, I would rather not have to deal with the attitudes of people when I call them out on their $*#%.  Someone that can admit shortcomings will laugh and say, “Oh, I do do that, don’t I?” A person that doesn’t like to see their faults and own them will get angry and start to shift the blame to me or you or whoever is in a dead cat slinging radius.  When that happens, I have discovered that those people are the most difficult to try and drive a point home.  That’s when you become a duck because you can’t argue with stupid.

I have friends and acquaintances that say that they hate drama and try to avoid it.  Yet, they are somehow always involved in it.  If you’re a duck, you let things go and choose your battles wisely.  To those that somehow avoid it, bravo to you.  To those that are constantly involved in it, you may need to look at a life change.  And to those that try to avoid it but somehow get thrown in the middle of it while kicking and screaming, you tried but some people just can’t help but bring others down to their level.  When I hear things that people have to say about me that don’t associate with me let alone hang out in my circle of friends, it used to anger me.  Now, I’ve become a duck.  If I got in a tizzy every time someone talked about my business, which FYI, is rather boring, I’d stay wound up. Once I started letting those things go, the feeling in my left arm came back and the dizziness went away. There’s a saying that’s famous in the South, “Honey, don’t talk about yourself, I’ll do that when you’re gone.” And the classic, “The good thing about living in a small town is when you don’t know what you’re doing, someone else does.”  I’ve had to be a duck many times due to such nonsense.  I just shake my head and roll my eyes. I’ve rolled my eyes so much, though, that they may stick that way just like my mama told me they would do.

I’ve had many cases in life where I have said things to people to put them in their place or just to let out some hostility that had been building.  Sometimes you just got to let that stuff out or you will explode like a volcano.  There’s nothing wrong with expressing yourself as long as you know the time and place to do it and is it that important that you could lose a friend?  Of course, if you lose a friend over speaking your mind to them when they rub you the wrong way, were you really that great of friends?  Let me answer that for you…no.  Then there are the times when you just smile and nod while ferociously biting your tongue because sometimes, it’s O.K. to let things go and be a duck.  There are lots of great ducks throughout history.  There’s Daffy and Donald and speech impediments aside, they were pretty cool.  Sure, they were always second fiddle to Bugs and Mickey but they let it roll right off just like a duck.

 

I have a dream...

We have all either had a dream during sleep or you have the metaphorical type dream for your life when you're awake.  I believe the latter is what Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was referring to and for all intents and purposes, it's what I'll be discussing in this blog.  My sleepy time dreams are either too scary or too racy to be sharing in the written word to be put out to the public.  I've got enough things rattling around in my conscious mind, I certainly don't need to include the subconscious.  Anyway, I've had a little time to contemplate a few things that I would like to happen over the next year or so and it would be a "dream" come true if all these things actually came to fruition.

I have a dream...that the citizens of the United States would wake up and realize that the individuals you elect work for you. They are not gods, they are not celebrities and most of them are idiots. If they're not doing their jobs, fire them. Do not vote for someone based on color, political party or because all your friends and celebrities are voting for them.  Do your research.  Look at who is financially backing a candidate, look at their voting record and look at how they speak when there's not a teleprompter in front of them spouting out garbage that was written by some highly paid speech writer.  Realize that the government is not here to support your lazy ass, that the "rich" people that are so hated in this country are the same individuals giving YOU a job, that the only way the government gets money is to tax its citizens and if they keep going at this rate, no one will have any money left to take. Also learn that I work for everything that I have and put up with a lot of bull$%&* in the process and if some pansy-ass protestor thinks that by sitting in a park all day, not working and holding a sign screaming about how there should be a distribution of wealth and capitalism is wrong is going to make me see the "light", you better sit back down in the crap-filled environment that you made for yourself and take another hit of the hash because that's not going to happen.  Get an f-ing job and your parents should be pistol whipped for raising such a sorry excuse for a human.

I have a dream...that my family and friends will find what makes them happy in life.  Whether that be a new job, new mate, new car or the best steak they've ever had, I wish all of you happiness.  May your children be healthy and smart (and not wind up protesting capitalism...that's grounds for friend termination), may you make enough money to not only provide for your families but enjoy yourself while doing it and may you live the lives that you've always dreamed and find at least a little bit of happiness in all that you do.  I hope that you are always loved by the people that you love, that the worst health issue you and your loved ones have is a hang nail and that everyday is a good hair day (and if you have no hair, may your scalp shine like the sun).

I have a dream...that I find what I've been looking for in all categories of my life.  From having a child to finding a job that lets me work at my full potential to losing weight.  I've always thought I was "too much" for Picayune but once you get out you realize that it's really the only place you want to be.  I want to have a family there, work there and be a part of the community that I've lived in for almost four decades.  Sure, I want to travel this great country (yes, I still love America) of ours along with the rest of the world, but home is where I want to come back to.  I have a dream that constant laughter will come back into my life and I can share it with those that I love and that when I finally do close my eyes at night, my sleepy time dreams will consist of all the wonderful things that I got to experience during my waking hours when I was living my daytime dreams.