Sight...The Truth Serum of the Senses

It began with a grunt. A grunt that I ignored but a grunt, nonetheless.  The grunt was a noise that I made as I was getting off the sofa one day. The grunt was also accompanied by an extra rocking motion to hoist my body from a piece of furniture. I ignored that grunt for a very long time because hearing something doesn't affect me as much as seeing something. Then I put my eyeballs on this...

That's where this journey that I've tried to take 1000 times begins. Some of you may be saying, "But, Nickie, you've always been _ _ _." You know the word. The dreaded "F" word. Not as bad as the "C" word but it has the same distinct sting and has probably brought more tears to the eyes of chubsters  because, let's face it, most fatties aren't C's, they're normally quite jolly and calling the "fat" is the equivalent of kicking a puppy. This is the picture that made me think, "Sweet Jesus, I look like one of those people that are so fat you can't tell that they're pregnant." It was also the picture that made me say, "Pull it together. That numbness in your left arm isn't going away." 

I have struggled with my weight for the bulk of my life. I did see a picture of myself when I was about 3 in which you could see what could be considered a rib. There's not a time in my life when I don't remember being fat. Ever. I have been made fun of by strangers and friends behind my back and to my face. That's always a good time. I won't use the word "bullies" because that word is totally over utilized today. People called me fat. I dealt with it. In return, I would pick out their flaws in retaliation but that's neither here nor there. Side note: People, teach your children to have a quit wit and be observant of others' weaknesses. That's a sure fire way to get those that are picking on you to leave you alone. Side note done. I have given half-assed efforts at losing weight only to be moderately successful then gain it ALL back and more besides. Once, my mom even tried to lecture me on how I should eat what she eats to lose weight. Keep in mind, she had lap band surgery. 

There are so many horrific stories I could tell you as a "Child Growing Up Fat". That sounds a little like a Lifetime movie or, if we were in the 80's, an after school special." I won't go into specifics because if you've been there, you understand the pain and frustration and if you haven't, well you were probably one of the ones making fun of someone like me. Much like Fat Amy in Pitch Perfect, I make the fat joke first so skinny bitches can't but I know what they're thinking...know that SB's.

I have come to the conclusion that I will never be skinny. I don't believe it's in my genetic makeup. Plus, I just LOVE food and beer. They're freaking awesome. My insurance doesn't cover weight loss surgery so I won't have that tool. With that comment, here's another side note: Weight loss surgery is just that, a tool. In my family, all of the siblings on my mother's side has had some sort of weight loss surgery and all but one has gained a substantial amount, if not all of it, back. For those of you that are lucky enough to have this tool in your back of tricks, use it wisely. Second side note over. I am going to try and do this the old fashion way. Eat healthy and exercise. Diet plans are so far gone from this now that it seems like a new method. There's no carb, low carb, paleo, eating clean, SlimFast, Nutri System, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Adkin's...shoot me now. I'm going to try to eat things that are good for me and get my heart rate up higher than it would get by me sitting on my sofa watching a Walking Dead marathon. Although, those can be kind of exciting.

I decided to do this publicly so I could hold myself accountable for my success or failure. I am still going to enjoy my life by going out to eat with my friends and having beers on my porch. That's never gonna stop. What I will do is do it in moderation and make up for the times when I do partake in the things that aren't necessarily good for me by eating a little better and exercising a little harder. Side note #3, I have heard that drinking beer has its benefits. Take a look.
http://www.naturalnews.com/039616_beer_health_benefits_drinking.html
You really should read side note #3. This is going to be a long process for me and I hope that in three months I can post a new pic that will show a slight change in physique and that clothes that roll under the pressure of my muffin top will be doing so far less.

Now, I'm going to go have a beer. Just kidding, I'm going to the gym. See ya soon!!
 

Ultimate Hangover Song

Below are the lyrics to Celine Dion's classic love ballad, "It's All Coming Back To Me Now". It's a classic Celine hit that speaks of undying love and with natural opportunities for her to hit those notes for which she's so famous. As I was listening to this song today through my earbuds, a thought popped into my head...all of this could be the result of an overly libatious evening. I have had my share and I've experiences most of the events and feelings that Celine so eloquently sings about. The difference is mine have nothing to do with love but everything to do with a wild night the the recollection process the next day. Let me explain...


"It's All Coming Back To Me Now"

There were nights when the wind was so cold
That my body froze in bed
If I just listened to it
Right outside the window
Either you've left a window or door open because you were too drunk to remember to close it or you've passed out and do not have the physical capacity to pull the covers over yourself.

There were days when the sun was so cruel
That all the tears turned to dust
And I just knew my eyes were
Drying up forever
Living in the South during the summer, you'll often feel like this but it's worse after a cocktail catastrophe.  I freely call them the beer sweats or you could call the crown or vodka sweats, just pick your poison.  In reality, though, it's best to sweat that stuff out. And drink Smart water and eat a banana. And you may want to check if that's tears turning to dust or dirt from where you fell last night and your face broke the fall.

I finished crying in the instant that you left
And I can't remember where or when or how
And I banished every memory you and I had ever made
Of course you finished crying the instant that someone left because when we're drunk we either have no focus or we hyper-focus. This version chooses the former. You can't remember where or when or how because you blacked out so don't try to lie and say you banished the memory forever.  All it will take is one little trigger and you'll hang your head in shame for your drunken actions.
 
But when you touch me like this
And you hold me like that
I just have to admit
That it's all coming back to me
When I touch you like this
And I hold you like that
It's so hard to believe but
It's all coming back to me
(It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now)
This basically means that one night stand that you can't really recall is becoming a regular booty call and it's coming back to you that this has happened before. You even say it twice in disbelief that you let this happen for a second time. SMH.
 
There were moments of gold
And there were flashes of light
There were things I'd never do again
But then they'd always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than any laws allow
Baby Baby
This is something I can definitely relate to.  Beer is so beautiful in a glass. It's the most lovely color of gold with bubbles floating to the top like endless dreams. Once you drink enough of these, you may see flashing lights. Hope for your sake, it's not the flashing lights of a cop car.  Then there's the things you recall where you say, "I can't believe we did that!! I'll never do that again!!" But you do because dumb decisions always seem right when you've got liquid courage but remember that the law will only allow so much.

If I kiss you like this
And if you whisper like that
It was lost long ago
But it's all coming back to me
If you want me like this
And if you need me like that
It was dead long ago
But it's all coming back to me
It's so hard to resist
And it's all coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it's all coming back to me now
But it's all coming back
All people "whisper" when they're drunk but are they really whispering? It's more like a breathy shout. And beware of strangers whispering in your ears.  That's usually a big sign that someone's a perv and they're gonna let that freak flag fly.
 
There were those empty threats and hollow lies
And whenever you tried to hurt me
I just hurt you even worse
And so much deeper
This is a page straight out of the Legion.  If you don't know what the Legion is, then you're not from Picayune.  There's always threats and lies then someone flirts with someone and they have to be one upped by their "significant other" going home with someone. Classic Legion.
 
There were hours that just went on for days
When alone at last we'd count up all the chances
That were lost to us forever
I think at this point you've ventured from our friend Alcohol and perhaps have moved on to his deadly nemesis, meth. Alcohol will at least cause you to pass out. If you're up for days, you may need to reevaluate some things.
 
But you were history with the slamming of the door
And I made myself so strong again somehow
And I never wasted any of my time on you since then
Tempers flare when drinking, especially if it's a dark liquor. Keep it light so your girl or guy never has to not waste time on you by plowing through a bunch of other people. You want time wasted on you.  And also, sometimes it's best to keep things behind closed doors so no slamming.

When you touch me like this
And when you hold me like that
It was gone with the wind
But it's all coming back to me
When you see me like this
And when I see you like that
Then we see what we want to see
All coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it's all coming back to me now
It's always fun to reminisce when we drink. Recalling fond memories or talking about great movies like Gone with the Wind. Some people stray into not-so-family-friendly territory and start talking about flesh and fantasies.  Let's try to keep it PG 13 depending on the company you keep.
 
If you forgive me all this
If I forgive you all that
We forgive and forget
And it's all coming back to me
When you see me like this
And when I see you like that
We see just what we want to see
All coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
I can barely recall but it's all coming back to me now
This says so much. You always forget the bad stuff when you've had a few. That's where drunk dialing and later, drunk texting came from. The next morning you'll check your phone and want to kick yourself for your actions. And if someone does come over after a drunk call/text and sees you after an evening of debauchery, they'll surely have their beer goggles on too and will not see you for the train wreck that you are.  You really will see just what you want to see. I believe Mickey Gilley said it best when he said, "The girls all get prettier at closing time".  That holds true for the boys, too.
 
(It's all coming back to me now)
And when you kiss me like this
(It's all coming back to me now)
And when I touch you like that
(It's all coming back to me now)
If you do it like this
(It's all coming back to me now)
And if we, , ,
You can't even finish that last sentence because someone brought over Taco Bell or offered to drive you to Waffle House and you got distracted.

This is my take on the true meaning of this song.  Ok, ok, maybe not the true meaning but you have to admit, it all makes sense.  Happy Friday!!  

My Friend, Steve...

A piece of my heart was completely broken and taken away last night.   I know I'll get that piece back one day and it will be completely healed and all will be right but for this moment I'm dealing with that piece being gone. Last night, the we lost a husband, father, comedian, all around good man and I lost my friend.  Thinking back over the last 28 and a half years that I've been blessed to know Steve has made tears overflow but I've also laughed because that's what we did most together.

It all started in Picayune, circa 1985.  If you're familiar with the Picayune school system then you know that 4 elementary schools combine into one giant pool of teenagers when everyone reaches 7th grade.  It's a hot mess of hormones, nerves and kids trying to create an identity in a completely new environment. Steve was one of the first people that I met that did not attend elementary school with me. I still believe, to this very moment, it was the quickest bond I've ever had with someone that wasn't my own blood.

We both have larger than life personalities but we never tried to overshadow the other. It was as if we just wanted to make the other one laugh. I felt like we were a comedy team doing a bit.  There's a movie from the 80's called "When Harry Met Sally".  In it, Billy Crystal tells Meg Ryan that men and women can never be friends. I do believe that is true in most cases but Steve and I blew that theory right out of the water. Steve blew that theory up with most of our, still very close knit, group of girlfriends.  One thing I distinctly recall was that in junior high, our friend, Lyndy, would invite a group of us to go to the wave pool every summer.  Her mom would load up about 6 of us girls and Steve.  He was the only guy allowed to go. And before texting was all the craze, we'd do a little thing called talking on the phone.  Oh, Sweet Baby Moses, would we talk. Hours and hours and hours...you'd think we were solving the world's problems but I can assure you we weren't.  I actually fell asleep on the phone one time we talked so deep into the night.  Some of my fondest memories from junior high were the weekends spent with Steve and Michele. If we weren't be dropped off at the mall and abandoned by my ever trusting parents, we were being dropped off at the bowling ally then casually walking down a busy highway with no sidewalks back home.  Parents were a lot more lenient then and I firmly believe kids were smarter. I mean, seriously, we made out ok. No harm, no foul.

As we progressed into high school, nothing really changed. We were still goofballs. We still cut up every chance we could. It got to the point in one class that, even after separating us by putting us on opposite sides of the room, our teacher had to ask us to control ourselves because she couldn't handle the class with both of us in it.  It's not that we were bad, just hams. Big, giant, Thanksgiving hams. Steve's outgoing, friendly personality made him the most popular guy in school. I can't think of a person that didn't like Steve. His kindness made everyone feel welcome. Combine that with his humor and everyone wanted to be around him.

College separated us geographically but no matter the time spent apart, when we got together is was as if we never missed a day. The years went by and we went on with our lives.  Steve married Melissa and they had the oh so handsome, Jace and later came cutie pie, Brendan. Family, working and living life caused communication to be sparse but that's how things go.  The good thing about my friend, Steve, was that on the rare occasions that we did talk, we picked up where we left off.

The last time that I spent time with Steve in person was at our 20 year reunion. I was thankful then and even more thankful now that when the "reunion party" was over that a few of us went back to the hotel, had a few beers in the courtyard and talked. That was the most fun part of the night for me, no offense to anyone else. It was a weekend filled with fun, laughs and most of all, friends. Oxford Dictionary defines the word friend as, "a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection." We are so lucky if we come across people special enough that you want to keep them with you for your entire lifetime.  Steve was and will always be one of those people.

On November 28, 2012, Melissa messaged me letting me know that Steve just received news that would, inevitably, lead us to this point. My heart sank and I sank to my knees to pray. Since that day, there has not been a day that goes by that Steve has not been on my mind, in my heart and repeated in my prayers. I prayed for his healing, strength for Melissa and comfort for their boys. Melissa has far surpassed what most humans show not only in strength but in a faith in God that does not waiver. I am so thankful that she was by Steve's side during his last years and especially these last weeks and days. Melissa, Jace and Brendan, you have lost the Earthly presence of Steve, but I know your faith is going to get you through the sadness of this loss and deliver you to the happiness that will one day come.

As for my friend, Steve, he took that piece of my heart with him at 8:00 last night and as the light in the world got a little more dim, Heaven brightened like a Broadway stage. The pain of the break hurts but I know that he's taking good care of the part that he has in Heaven.  The last time Steve and I spoke and he told me the cancer was back he said, "This disease may take my life but it will not still my joy in the Lord." As my heart aches, it is also comforted by the fact that Steve did have a love for God that could not be shaken. He has left his painful body and is living in a joy that none of us can even imagine. As I went to sleep last night, I even thought that I heard his laugh. And if I know Steve, he was laughing his way through a story that he was telling.  Classic Steve.  I know I will get Steve's piece of my heart back one day when we meet again. And, Steve, I expect to receive the funniest, most sarcastic greeting one has ever received when I arrive at my final destination.

Tick, Tock...There Goes the Clock

Let me preface the words to come by apologizing for any spelling or grammatical errors as I am typing this on my phone from my bed.


My friends and i will all be doing the same thing this year. A couple did it at the end of 2012. Some will do it as late as the end of summer and early Fall. I will do it tomorrow.  It's not a mammogram but we should all go get one. We could call it "Flatten your Fritters for your Fortieth". The name is a work in progress. Here's the real commonality we'll all be 40.  It's my 40th Birthday Eve. I just sat and looked at that sentence for several minutes trying to contemplate where it would take me and to be honest, I really don't know. The big 4-0 is called that for a reason. You've basically hit your "midlife". Many say it to people in their 50's but how many people over 100 do you know?

When you enter your 20's, you believe you've entered adulthood. For many, they have moved to college, are experimenting with EVERYTHING because mama and daddy aren't there to monitor their actions and truly believe that you are going to be somebody. What you don't know is that you are still a child or an infant adult. You've graduated from diapers to pull-ups in your adult development. Soon you'll be a full fledged toddler and wearing your big girl panties. Until then, enjoy the help you get from your parents and have fun discovering who you are while you're still young. Just be safe about it.

The 30's are next. During this decade I found that it was getting very real that life was tick tocking away. Man, they went by fast. This decade you enter adult middle school but you will graduate this decade into full grown adulthood. In these 10 years, I believe I went through the most changes although many wouldn't have recognized it. I actually did set goals for myself. I began in my 20's thinking I would accomplish them in my 30's. This was the decade where I was supposed to get married. This was the decade where I was supposed to become a parent. This was the decade I was supposed to lose weight before I turned 40 because everybody knows your metabolism takes a nose dive at 40. What I did do was close my family business which I had banked on having for the rest of my working life. Since the idea of becoming homeless scares the crap out of me, I had to find a job completely out of my comfort zone. Seriously, for God's sake, I don't get to boss anyone around! It's quite frustrating BUT, I have adapted. With the adaptation process comes comfort and I'm gonna need that if the grunts when I exit the couch are any indication of the way things are headed.

I will start this next decade with open arms. I'm not going to be sad about not accomplishing things that should have been done 5 or so years ago. I'm going to focus on what I can do. If you're waiting on  some epiphanionic list, sadly that's not going to be included here because I don't know what in the hell is gonna happen. That's part of the fun of it, though. I compare it to a night out, which I participated in many during my 20's, 30's and plan to keep on keepin' on in my 40's. But here's the comparison. When you make a plan to go out and you put all this time and consideration towards it, it turns out to suck. When you fly by the seat if your pants and go where the wins blows you, you have more fun. Just as I did in my 20's, I'm still goin to be out there discovering myself (I know I sound like a hippie saying that so I apologize). I'm going to be looking for some windy days over the next 10 years. I just hope to not be downwind of anything negative...like flatulence or urine. That would totally ruin my whole wind analogy. I'm saying goodbye to the backside of 30 and I'll see y'all on the other side!!

Where I Need To Be

As I sit here at work, blogging but shhhhh, I can't help but think, "Is this how things are supposed to be?".  I had always thought in my younger days that my life would be in a completely different place at this point.  I'd be married, who's to say first or second marriage, I'd definitely have kids and I'd be working at a job that fulfilled all the areas of my life that weren't complete by all the other wonderful things in my life.  I have none of the things in that last sentence but should I look at that as a failure?

Let's begin with the latter.  Today marks a year that I have been in my current job.  It was a big change for me coming from a family business in a small town.  Now, I'm working in an environment that, to say the least, can have it's "WTF" moments. As my friend and I ride the elevator up every morning, we look at each other and we know what the other is thinking, "We have got to develop an exit strategy.".  This isn't saying that the people that I work for and with are bad people.  Quite the contrary, actually.  Everyone is very nice.  Sure, in any big company you'll have your whiners and complainers, your under the bus throwers and your non-ownership people and this place is no different.  But I also have some people that are true team players and have your back and are genuinely concerned with the well being of those around them.  I have to look at this first job after my family's business closing as the weeds in my way before the beautiful garden oasis that will be my career.  That's how I get up everyday and make it to work.  That and knowing I can have some drinks afterward if the day goes down the toilet.

Marriage was one of those things that I just assumed I would do as life progressed.  It would occur naturally like the need for botox or my hatred for bad teeth.  All of my friends got married at one point and had kids, not necessarily in that order but it did happen.  Hell, some are on their second and third marriages.  Don't get me wrong, I know a lot of behind the scenes info on some marriages and I wouldn't want to be a part of that relationship but that's not to say that I don't want to get married.  The thing that concerns me at this point in the game, and it is a game, is that I've become so set in my ways that someone else is just going to throw a monkey wrench into my whole lifestyle.  I find that I get annoyed easily especially with stupidity.  I told a friend this weekend that I need someone who is smarter than me because I want to bring myself up not have to explain the "big words".  I do have one friend who, like me, has neither married nor has kids and he tells me that if our friends could do it all over again, they'd want our lives.  I can safely say that I don't believe that, at least not 100%.  They may trade their spouses but the one thing I do know is that 97% of my friends wouldn't trade their kids for anything and that, so far, is my biggest regret in life.

Even as a young child, I always saw myself as a mother.  Whatever stage in my life that I was passing through, I was maternal in some shape or form.  Whether it be babysitting as a preteen, taking care of a friend who had too much to drink as a young adult (this still goes on to this day), or having social functions to give everyone a chance to visit, I have always felt the need to do the things that a mother would do.  The one thing I haven't done is give birth or adopt.

I am aware of my age.  I say constantly that I feel 27 but my eggs would probably tell you a different story.  I also know that women are waiting until later in life to have children but in 2013 I'm going to be 40 and the clock is ticking while the eggs are dropping.  Just this week, two of my dear friends became grandmothers.  Besides the precious babies that came out of that deal I also got to give myself a cool name...wait for it....GRANDFRIEND!!!  I'm going to trademark that so no one steal it.  The fact of the matter is, I want my next title to be Mama.  I have a plan so stay tuned.

In the end, as I look back on the memories of where I thought I'd be at this stage in my life, I'm not where I thought I would be.  I could get depressed and feel sorry for myself and, believe me, I do...often.  But then I think, I may not be where I want to be but this is all about the roadtrip that I'm on.  I'm not going to say "journey" because I want to punch people in the face that say, "It's all about the journey".  I can't take a self-inflicted punch today but I digress.  As I was saying, I may not be where I want to be but maybe I'm where I need to be.  Things usually have a way of working out especially when we put our determination behind it.  I often see where people say, "I'm turning it over to God."  Don't you think God has enough to do?  I think that's the lazy way out.  God should be like the parent that gives you some help when you need it but wants you to learn to do things on your own and utilize the good things that He's taught you along the way.  He gave us free will for a reason.  So today, on the year anniversary of my job and the realization that time stops for no woman and I need to get my ducks in a row.  I'm not saying that I'm going to make some big changes so don't look for The Porch to close any time soon but I am saying that I'm going to start making things happen for myself.  Hopefully I will make God and myself happy.

It’s a question that people have argued about for years.  Does size really matter?  Is bigger more fierce and is smaller not
able to put fear into one’s heart?  Before you start thinking that I’m taking a turn for the dirty side, get your mind out of the gutter.  I’m referring to picking your battles.  Here’s how I came to this big/small analogy.

The other night I was walking my dogs, Hami and Sophie.  They’re awesome, by the way, but I digress.  As we were walking through the park, a mosquito landed on my shoulder.  Unfortunately for him, it was his last landing because I smacked him.  That got me to thinking, we often look at large things as  large problems.  We let size trick us when often times it’s the little things that can be the biggest problem.  Take that mosquito, for instance.  Mosquitoes carry malaria, West Nile and a host of other diseases that could put me in the grave and yet it’s super tiny.  Some are so tiny they look like gnats and sometimes even those can leave a nasty bite.

Then there’s the big things can sometimes be misconstrued as a BIG problem.  Things like moving to a different city for a higher paying job or turning 40.  For the former, maybe it’s in the whole big scheme of life that the cards have fallen to give you the opportunity to move.  For the latter, look at the alternative to turning 40.  For those that aren’t quick on the uptake, it’s death.  I think that’s why I always look forward to my birthday.  The other alternative is not something I want to think about.

You’ve heard the term “making a mountain out of a mole hill”?  I have and I use it all the time.   On social network sites such as Facebook and Twitter I always see people writing about how they hate drama and wish all the people with drama would get out of their lives.  What these people are saying to me is that they really love drama and want to stir it up not only privately but on a very public forum.  Is it really worth doing?  Is it really worth putting your business out there?  I’m going to be honest with you, most people don’t care.  I once had a friend say, “I wish all these people that updated statuses every 5 minutes with personal information that none of us care about would get a Twitter account.  See how many people follow you.  That’s how many people are interested in your every move and thought.”  Sometimes it’s best to keep things to yourself.  I often need to follow this advice.  Especially after a couple of cocktails but, again, I digress.  If you keep things to yourself then that thing that you think is so big won’t be blown up and may just shrink to nothing and go away.  And in all honesty, if that many people are causing drama in your life, cut them loose.  All the little things they do to annoy you will leave a BIG spot for happiness in your life once they’re gone.

Then there’s the things we sweep under the rug.  A lump in some part of our body that we attribute to stress, a child that is “active” when they’re young so we let them “express” themselves in any way they see fit or paying bills with credit cards because you’re a little short this month but are you really going to have extra money next month?  The thing about sweeping little things under the rug is that eventually a big dirt mound begins to form.  Then you have to move the furniture, lift the rug and there’s usually more things under there than you care to see.  Take care of yourself.  If you feel funny, not haha funny but ugh funny, go to the doctor until the ugh feeling goes away.  If you’re child is acting a fool, jerk a knot in their tail.  Spare the rod, spoil the child.  You are not their friend, you are their parent.  And speaking for the sect of the population that has to see your ill-behaved child in public, thanks for stepping up to the plate and handling the situation like a responsible adult.  As for the money, I’m no one to lecture about that because I’m no financial wiz.  I can say this, I have been in credit card trouble and I’m going to tell you that it’s nearly impossible to get out of it.  Once you do, avoid getting the little things that you didn’t need that got you into this big mess.  You lived without them before, you can manage to keep going without them.

These were just a few things that have been rolling around in my brain lately.  I’ve been known to have a flair for the dramatics and make a mountain out of a mole hill.  I speculate, make up stories about scenarios that will never happen unless it’s in a movie, expect the worse and I’m here to tell you that it’s dire existence.  So, take a different approach to looking at things.  Remember, it could be the little things that you keep looking over that could give you malaria and that big thing that you never thought you could live through is the thing that winds up being your saving grace.

Be A Duck...

Be a Duck…

While venting one day to my friend, Charlotte, she told me to, “be a duck”.  I wasn’t quick on the uptake so I asked her what that meant.  She said, “You just have to let things roll off like water on a duck’s back.”  Sometimes that’s easier said than done and if you are a “duck” does that mean you let people walk all over you?  Or, are you taking the high road and not causing conflict?

         

For those that don’t know me I have a tendency to say whatever is on my mind, especially if there’s alcohol in my body.  It may come as a surprise to those that do know me that I often bite my tongue to keep if from wagging.  In fact, I just deleted an entire paragraph from this blog because even though I used a fake name to protect the guilty, I would rather not have to deal with the attitudes of people when I call them out on their $*#%.  Someone that can admit shortcomings will laugh and say, “Oh, I do do that, don’t I?” A person that doesn’t like to see their faults and own them will get angry and start to shift the blame to me or you or whoever is in a dead cat slinging radius.  When that happens, I have discovered that those people are the most difficult to try and drive a point home.  That’s when you become a duck because you can’t argue with stupid.

I have friends and acquaintances that say that they hate drama and try to avoid it.  Yet, they are somehow always involved in it.  If you’re a duck, you let things go and choose your battles wisely.  To those that somehow avoid it, bravo to you.  To those that are constantly involved in it, you may need to look at a life change.  And to those that try to avoid it but somehow get thrown in the middle of it while kicking and screaming, you tried but some people just can’t help but bring others down to their level.  When I hear things that people have to say about me that don’t associate with me let alone hang out in my circle of friends, it used to anger me.  Now, I’ve become a duck.  If I got in a tizzy every time someone talked about my business, which FYI, is rather boring, I’d stay wound up. Once I started letting those things go, the feeling in my left arm came back and the dizziness went away. There’s a saying that’s famous in the South, “Honey, don’t talk about yourself, I’ll do that when you’re gone.” And the classic, “The good thing about living in a small town is when you don’t know what you’re doing, someone else does.”  I’ve had to be a duck many times due to such nonsense.  I just shake my head and roll my eyes. I’ve rolled my eyes so much, though, that they may stick that way just like my mama told me they would do.

I’ve had many cases in life where I have said things to people to put them in their place or just to let out some hostility that had been building.  Sometimes you just got to let that stuff out or you will explode like a volcano.  There’s nothing wrong with expressing yourself as long as you know the time and place to do it and is it that important that you could lose a friend?  Of course, if you lose a friend over speaking your mind to them when they rub you the wrong way, were you really that great of friends?  Let me answer that for you…no.  Then there are the times when you just smile and nod while ferociously biting your tongue because sometimes, it’s O.K. to let things go and be a duck.  There are lots of great ducks throughout history.  There’s Daffy and Donald and speech impediments aside, they were pretty cool.  Sure, they were always second fiddle to Bugs and Mickey but they let it roll right off just like a duck.